I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
