there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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