When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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