im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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