Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
So apparently I’m into choking now
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
