I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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