After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
My vagina just recognized that song.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Randomize
