they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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