And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Randomize
