He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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