It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
