Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
