You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Randomize
