i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
