All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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