just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
