and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
