Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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