Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
