Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
