I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
