Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
