There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
