Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
