butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
