you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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