Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
