someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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