NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
