She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
