you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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