Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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