the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I stole a fireplace last night.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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