we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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