On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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