Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Randomize
