That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
