Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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