Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
