i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize