i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Someone signed my nipple.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
