dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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