Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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