It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
