his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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