i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
