Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
