Where is the hickey?
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
