I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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