She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
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