things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
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