is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
