Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
My liver just had a heart attack.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
