its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
