honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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