Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
