watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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