...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
