i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
