The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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