So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
