my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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