yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
