and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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