There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
