hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
