god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
