If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
