Already got asked if we're dating
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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